Single, good, successful and too much for marriage

Can you be too much for marriage? Yes. These days, I have started seeing people that have raised themselves above marriageable standards. By the time you hear them talk about men and women or the qualities they want in a spouse, you realize that they are simply too much to be bestowed to a singular “unworthy mortal”. Do you know how it is to get a Doctorate Degree holder to work as a Cashier? For some, marriage will not be possible unless they stop seeing themselves as some Doctorate Degree holders and their potential mates as Cashiers.

It is true that people have standards in life, and standards are good so that you will not fall for anything. But life is more complicated than standards and such flexibility and adjustments will always be vital to make a success out of any life venture.

One reason many are too qualified for marriage is the area of morality and decency. A young lady called a radio show one day, and described herself as “I am together”. If understand correctly, she has everything in the right proportion in the right places. Let’s assume you are actually so “together” and you feel you deserve a partner who is also as “together” as you are. This may be a challenge. You may find people who are always short of something you have or wish to have in your mate. What will you do?  We also have instances where people who have kept certain moral codes expect to find someone who may have met similar requirements. I am sorry, you have done yourself and God a great honour by remaining virgin till date, but if you don’t find a virgin to marry, there should not be a any issue. Believe me.

Another area is social class and family background. This is where many parents especially of the affluent stock are manipulating and frustrating the marital destiny of their children. They bring up the kids to grow up relating with only the affluent, and have no prospect of possibility of marrying anyone outside their social class. When and if they are ripe for marriage, Daddy or Mummy’s friends will always have a son or daughter who is ready to marry. Not bad, provided the couple find time to grow into each other, money alone we know will never solve marital issues.

The last and most annoying one is the upwardly mobile professional who feels getting married is so much of an impediment and too much favour to do for a man or woman. In this category, we find young women who are not ready to allow the rigours of marriage to affect their ability to devote everything, I mean everything to their jobs. In this category, we have people, who feel their potential mates are only there to enjoy their financial largesse, they are afraid true love does not exist. We also see these days that a whole generation of young ladies, most of whom the only thing they have is paid employment believing that the reason they are not married is that men are intimidated by their success. If you ask me, this is ridiculous. The men I know are looking for strong hardworking women to marry, where then are these intimidated men?  An average man in today’s harsh economy needs a woman who can be an asset to him. However, having a woman who can contribute financially is not the same as becoming a foot mat for the woman. Look at it this way, why is it that when men are doing fine, women do not feel intimidated? How come it is only when women have made it that intimidation comes in?

Of course if you are a movie star, men will only be careful to be sure that you are not what you do in movies, they are not really intimidated. But it is really difficult to make a guy comfortable around you when you have about ten tattoos and piercings in all the most unlikely places on your body.

 I will say it here, you may not believe it. While men have traditionally accepted their role as hunters and providers, and are eager to share with the women in their lives, women are just beginning to come into the “hunting ground”, and as such not used to sharing the spoils at all.  That is why most times whenever a woman becomes the breadwinner, there will be chaos in the family. It is only humble men that can withstand the scorning of a female breadwinner; we have seen some men walk out on both wife and children when they become jobless just because they could not stand the wife. It is also true that some men need to also come to terms with the fact when a woman is economically empowered, she may not be as humble as she should be, except she has grown a whole lot in maturity. Both men and women need to learn and grow more in this area.

If you are a guy out there, and you are intimidated because your woman has one or two nice cars, can pay her rent or even buy a house, I say to you, Shame!! And if you are a woman out there, who feel that a job gives you license to be better than any living man, I am sorry, have a re-think fast before you lose the game in the long run. Jobs will come and go, but nothing in life can replace a committed relationship.

The world is undergoing a new order, more women can now bring something apart from babies to the table, and this should not be a source of pride or intimidation. We should rather see it as simply perfecting the purpose of God, Adam and Eve all had jobs, we just need to submit to each other, complement each other and benefit from the blessings of marital partnership.