Realities of Marriage II

When reality sets in, that is when the “relationship” should actually start. Relationship literally involves two mostly uneven and unequal parts interfacing and interacting closely to achieve a purpose. If this is held true, then I presume that the diminution of chemistry and acquisition of fresh pair of eyes for the purpose of scrutinizing the faults of your partner need not be the end of the union. It should actually be the beginning of the learning and adjustment phase of your union. What does it take?

Simply, living with mortals with all the defects that mortality has to offer involves first of all understanding the reality of human frailty. This is not a license to condone stupid behaviours. Others often fall short not because they are bad in themselves, but because we judge them with our own standards – most times, the other party is not even aware those standards exist anywhere, and even if he does, he or she has obviously been living with some other sets of rules. You see, naturally, we are all set on a collision course that only understanding can avert. Our inability to allow other people be themselves in a relationship often defines the health of the relationship; our ability to give room for differences can be a real saving grace in a relationship.

Reality sets in when real life issues begin to crop up in relationships, as expected, and couples are supposed to bring out their individual character to bear in finding mutually satisfactory or endurable solutions to the issues at stake. It is at this point that “Angels” start losing their shinning lights and the hallos begin to fade, as clash of wills may ensue especially for the unprepared at heart.
If you are coming together having spent at least two decades of your most formative years in different nesting environments, I believe it is realistic to expect some real differences.

Unfortunately, we set ourselves up by believing that there is something called “compatibility”. I am sorry to annoy you today, there is no such thing, we are all so uniquely crafted that the word compatibility is meaningless. Compatibility can work with machine parts, but humans are supposed to use their faculties to work out areas of differences in every situation. An ideal mate is not that person that likes everything you like, how will you learn and grow, what will be the value added? Moreover, would you really want to spend all your days with a “clone” of yourself?

Marriage is life, every known principle that work in life should work in marriage. We go to work every day with people from diverse background, and we get along and get the job done. We come across bosses and colleagues with real annoying behaviour, and we find ways around and keep peace to guaranty our pay check. We are able to achieve that because we are committed to the pay check, and that commitment in turn gingers maturity.  Maturity and commitment to growing the relationship is stronger than any differences and weakness you may find in your mate or potential spouse.

 If you doubt the fact that you should take responsibility for your relationship by accepting the imperfection, weaknesses and difference in others, please turn around and take a look at the man/woman in the mirror, is he/she perfect?