Do you think it may be a bit sacrilegious to classify
“letting go” as an art? Art is basically an expression of human creative skill
and imagination. Letting go of past events, past huts, past lovers and
relationships has been so challenging to many people, that I personally feel
there is need to apply some level of skills and superior thought processes to
be able to make progress.
People easily blame their present predicaments on some
certain past events. If I had passed that exam, I would have been rich today,
If that guy did not dump me, I would have been happier today, if my parents
were not poor, I would have made it, these are all good excuses for failure and
unhappiness, but the issue is, would you rather not move away from your point
of failure and find a way to make life a bit more meaningful?There are people who are married but cannot find peace and satisfaction in their spouses because they are still living in their past. There are people whose greatest fan and confidants are their former lovers. There are people who are not married because they are stuck with the image of what they lost, they keep comparing every potential spouse with the one that left them to marry someone else. It is gone, please wake up and smell the coffee.
There are ladies and guys out there who prefer to seduce their married ex-lovers just to prove that “the love is still there, we are meant for each other”, there are also single men and women who exploit the past and the vulnerabilities of their ex-lovers to prove that marriage is a fluke after all. These categories of people are not only doing damage to their married friends but also stagnating themselves.
How do you know that you are still hooked on someone? You are probably sniffing around his or her social media profiles to see what is new in his or her life. You maintain constant communication secretly and unknown to your current partner. You were not invited to the wedding, but you found your way there. You are at the point of getting married, and you are bent on having your ex present at the wedding without your spouse knowing. You take time to find out who he or she eventually got married to, and sometimes you may still be in touch with some members of his or her family. Perhaps you keep comparing your current spouse with the former one, and in some cases, people actually retain the old relationship in its entirety.....ouch.
So how do you really prevent the past from messing up with your future? I tell you the truth, deleting the number, burning photographs, or deleting social media profiles will not work. I am sorry. So what works?
It is the battle of
the mind; it is in your thoughts and the very depths of your soul. If you want
to burn bridges, burn it from your very soul, and the best way to it is to tell
yourself the truth – it did not work out for a reason, for a purpose, it is
over, just move on. If you allow that message to sink into your soul, it is
more likely you will heal faster and move on very well to even better things.
Another way to deal with the past is to know that your very
best is always ahead of you. You may think what you had was the best that can
ever be, if you can open up your mind again, you will realise that it can
always be better. You need to also know that no two individuals or situations are the same, develop contentment and maximise your life at the very place you have found yourself.
There are times when an ex partner becomes randy and begin
to seduce you to probably use you to make up for his or her present emptiness
and frustrations, at this point, remain focused and do not be tempted to either
use the situation as a revenge mission or try to prove that you are still the
best for him or her. If of you are single, re-union may be a rewarding possibility,
but when one of the party is married, such re-union can only spell doom.
Where the relationship was within a close distance, you may
think of relocating, changing job, or getting a transfer. Moving away from your
point of pain does not mean you have not dealt with the issue, it simply means
you are taking wise steps to protect your future peace and happiness. People
who chose to stay may find themselves going in and coming out of the same
relationship a couple of times without making any progress.It is possible you may argue that you have related with your ex lover for years now even as a married person without doing anything wrong, the question you ask yourself are these, is your spouse aware of this your friendship, does this friendship honour your current relationship, would you be happy if your spouse has a similar relationship outside your knowledge? If you can sincerely answer all the above questions in the affirmative, then I will say, go on living in your two worlds, past and present, but be wary of the future.
I wish to remind you that, in the land of temptation, cowardice is a huge virtue, as a matter of fact, it is only cowards that overcome temptations – they simply take to their heels. Some love to play the hero for their exs, What about your spouse, the very person who saw the hero in you even when it was not so obvious and got married to you? Respect your current relationship, stay within your bounds!!
