It may seem inappropriate to say, that it has become quite
common to find young women praying to meet a suitor whose mother is already
dead. In other words, a guy’s prospects out of the many suitors on ground can
be improved if his mother is no longer alive. This sounds very morbid, isn’t
it?
Marriage, which is every mothers’ dream for their sons
usually begin to turn to nightmares as the battle for control of the guy’s
heart between the wife and the mother often squeezes energy and life itself out
of the relationship. The mothers usually find it difficult to believe that
another woman, who just emerged from nowhere, has the capability to make her
son comfortable, and the wives will wonder why Mama cannot focus on her own husband
and let her enjoy her own marriage.
This scenario is not limited to mother in-laws. You can also
have meddlesome and never-let go father in-laws who are so obsessed with their
daughters that they will like the daughters’ husbands to take instructions from
them on how to run their homes.
There are instances where the mother in-law may not even
want to interfere, but a young wife will initiate a war to ensure the remnants
of family relationships of her husband is destroyed and the husband is completely
detached from the rest of his family. Nothing wrong in having your hubby to
yourself actually, but the problem is always that she will keep her own family
associations intact, while making the guy a stranger in his own family.
It is well known that in this part of the world, we
traditionally abuse family relationships, otherwise, why should you want to
move into your son’s house after he has gotten married? Why is it after a lady
gets married that all the siblings that her parents could not train will like
to gain admission? I bet you, most of
the marital crisis associated with family issues is caused by things that are
not directly beneficial to the couple and their own future – it is often the
interest of elements in either or both families who probably want the marriage
to fulfil their own expectations.
It is important we begin to sound it clearly to parents,
marriage of your kids is not meant to fulfil your own expectations, design and
agenda, and it is not meant to complete what you started in your own life. A
young man and woman getting married is like a fresh seed with its own distinct
purpose.
I think the golden rule is for parents to give out their
children in marriage with the understanding that they are now independent. That
also presupposes that you have trained your sons and daughters on what it means
to be independent in a new family unit.
I think some parents will want to hover around their kid’s homes because
they are not sure where and when things will go wrong. Crisis becomes escalated
when parents from both sides are hovering in nature; this is a recipe for
marital crisis.
Dear Friends, you don’t need a dead mother in-law. All you
need are in-laws who understand their exact roles in the marriage. Don’t forget
that every daughter in-law will one day become a mother in-law.
