Marriage, finance and burden of the previous generation

I heard the phrase “backward investment of value” some days ago on a radio programme, and it really made sense. I will like to share a problem that is so deep in Africa that it appears so normal and so dangerously eating deep into the fabrics of marital happiness and couples’ ability to provide for their future.

Future, Yes, that is what young couples are so supposed to be doing, planning and investing in their future, and believe me, this goes beyond paying inflated sums of money as kids school fees in any exotic school you can think of. I will touch more on this later.

We understand that by the very act of marriage, we are supposed to “leave our parents and cleave to our partners”, but in Africa, majority get married and yet cleaving to their family even more than they did prior to marriage. The pressure introduced by financial needs of both parents and siblings has been one of the major causes of marital crisis in this part of the world. Marriages have been torn apart by people who could not put the interest of their marriage ahead of the needs of their family. In-laws have instigated unnecessary crisis in marriages especially when they feel the couple is not evenly generous to both sides of the divide.

Couples today are stuck with parents and extended family members  who basically feel entitled to be “taken care of” and as such they continue to invest in the past and have nothing left for their future.

This is so because the only thing most parents have as retirement plan is the children who are now parents with their own responsibilities too. In this circumstance, you are bound to see yourself as the “ultimate helper” your family dearly needs, and you may as well continue in this role until your own kids are married with children and you are now retired, empty, and broke with no plan for survival. You see, a generational cycle has been created, does this sound normal to you, or would I provoke a desire in you to break the cycle of generational poverty and dependency?

Before I conclude, I want to state that I have read the Bible through many times; I have not seen where children are commanded to take care of their parents. We are commanded to “honour” our parents, Jacob honoured his father by giving him his best meal, not every day meal, you see? What the Bible said is that, “a good man will leave an inheritance for his children and children children”. You see that we have turned it upside down!

I do not really know where you are today, you may be the bread-winner of a whole clan of people and you feel justified carrying the weight, think for a moment, you are hoping your own kids and siblings will take care of you at old age, that is why you are training them? Why not break the cycle? Why can’t you be the “good man or woman” that will leave an inheritance for the future generations instead of waiting to transfer the burden of generational lack and poverty to them?

You can take care of your parents and grand-parents and all the offspring within the clan if you can, you can pay schools fees for your kids in the best scholls around, but if you are not investing in your own future, I mean, “you” as a future, then you have failed. I know one very honest man (yes, he worked for his money) who is now deceased, but his investments are still feeding his children who are now in the third and fourth generations. What will be your own story?