Wine and Marriage: The Mysterious Relationship

How instructive is it that the very first miracle performed by Jesus was during a wedding.  And what a miracle it was. The wine could not serve the audience, the couple could have been embarrassed and frustrated and the feast brought to premature end, but here comes Jesus, he turned water into a better quality wine and the party went on with greater joy.

Wine symbolizes joy, excitement, good and positive feelings, and this is what easily runs out in marriages as familiarity, personal conflicts and the rigours of daily living begin to drain the relationship. We spend so much time preparing for the wedding, without actually considering that after the ceremony is the lifetime commitment of being man and wife. Jesus demonstrated clearly that even if the wine should run out, that should not be the end of the show.

At the wedding, it is easy to know the wine is running short, but how will you know that wine is running short in a marriage situation;

1.  Lost Passion: All the butterflies in your stomach are now lifeless, you are no longer having sweaty palms and the adrenaline have since dried up. In summary, there is nothing exciting about the relationship anymore and your partner has become “business as usual”. It is not that the butterflies should always be there, neither should they die off completely either.

2. Intimacy gone over the roof: You know that the wine is fast running out when you no longer feel the need to have those deeply intimate moments with your spouse anymore. You have come to replace intimacy with things like work, kids, church activities, tending aged parents and even talk, yes, talking about your problems and challenges without considering that your partner too need some physical bonding. The wine is exhausted when couples are living more like “room mates”. If you have problems creating room for se, you are obviously out of wine.

3. Respect thrown into the trash: When the wine is finished, “Honey” will become “monkey”. When respect is lost, every discussion will end in argument, and every argument will be full of bitter words. Rewind to when the wine was flowing, no one dare say any hurtful words or aim to inflict any emotional pain.

4. Tender becomes Steel: When people are merry with wine, they tend to be relaxed, tender and manageable. They will be friendly and easy to carry along. But when the wine is finished, they come to a certain level of “self consciousness” and assertiveness. Couples arrive at joint decisions easily and peacefully when the wine is flowing, but will likely need a third party to mediate over even little things when the wine is gone.

5. Divesting from patience and tolerance: People seems to be “fault-less” when we first meet them because we want to invest patience and tolerance at that time. At the beginning, there is a huge appetite to bear with weaknesses and inadequacies, but this appetite diminishes at the same rate with the jar of wine in the marriage. Anger and criticism reigns in a home where the wine is exhausted, couples in this kind of home find themselves always at loggerheads – more like being each other’s opposition party.

6. Humility is written off: Humility does not have gender application when a marriage is still enjoying fresh wine. Both couple will be mutually submitted to each and fully committed to serving and making each other happy. People begin to rationalize their contribution and question the authority of their spouse when the wine is finished. Whenever you see a woman talking down her husband, know that the wine is now dried up; all they have left is empty vessels.

7. Gratitude is replaced by entitlement: A spouse will be made to feel like a super hero when he or she does something great at the beginning, but as soon as the wine runs out; even the most heroic act will look so ordinary and expected.  A young girl will be thrilled with taxi fair prior to marriage, but when the wine runs out; she may begin to demand for choice exotic cars. A sense of appreciation is lost when the wine runs dry.

No marriage can survive with empty vessels, some may but with pains, sadness and regrets. Jesus was at the wedding to show mankind that you can expect the wine to run out, but that should not be the end of the feast. Many couples have either terminated their marriages or venture into unfaithful acts  as soon as they ran out of wine, the Master has given us the template, simply bring out the empty jars and fill them with fresh water and continue with  the feast.

I usually say that dating is a deceptive way to determine how marriage will be like. Before marriage, you seem to have all the time, sometimes the right amount of cash, and the right level of motivation to move the relationship to the next level. If the conditions and factors that preceded the wedding fail to hold after marriage, the relationship will usually begin to experience hiccups. Unfortunately, many couples today do not prepare for change, and cannot maintain focus when the wine runs short.

Are you dismayed and disillusioned that marriage is not fulfilling your desires and fantasies? Are you considering seeking the wine somewhere else, do you think leaving your empty jars behind will help?  Many are going into their 3^rd and 4^th marriages because they don’t know how to refill the wine jars in their relationships.

You need to bring your empty jars and fill them with fresh water – fresh thoughts, positive thoughts, renewed mind, new ideas to bring sparks of hope and faith back in your marriage.