Managing personal weaknesses in relationships

It is quite true that most people will put their best foot forward when they meet a potential spouse. They begin to customize their lifestyle, attitudes and behaviour to suit the preferences of the other party. Eventually, people get married in a “cultured set up” where both couples actually believe that they have found their perfect fit. I will not in any way insinuate that there are no people who are actually perfect fit and are having a hitch-free relationship, but perhaps, there are some who have come to discover that what looked so perfectly fitted still need some adjustments, this message will go a long way in keeping their relationships together.

It is natural for two people from different backgrounds coming together to have some rough edges. It is also true that humanity is flawed in its very core, it may be practically impossible to find a wife or husband who has no offence in him, no personal weakness and no area of improvements.  The irony of marriage is that we are often attracted to people’s strengths, so we naturally get married to people who have exhibited strength in the areas we find most appealing, however, the problem is that each human being is a composite of both strengths and weaknesses. As we are pulled towards the strengths, do we actually analyse how we will cope with the weaknesses, or we assume there are no weaknesses to deal with?

Many marriages will be saved if couples never thought they were getting married to Angels. My friend, if you know you are getting married to a basically flawed human, you expectations and reactions to issues will be totally different. Many marriages crumble today as a result of expectations not met.

I truly believe that if we have an understanding that our spouses are but mere humans, we will all be more tolerant, less critical, more understanding, tender, merciful and most importantly more forgiving, and eventually there will be fewer conflicts and less separations and divorces.
No matter how flawed your spouse is, he or she may not be able to withstand the power of mercy over time. As you show the fellow mercy, over time, he or she will cave in and fall in line. Showing mercy to your spouses’ errors may require more work from you. Problem is, nobody wants any work, we  all want spouses made in heaven, ready made with everything that will make us happy.  Bearing one another’s burden is about doing what you will not do ordinarily, it is about being happy to support your partner in his or her areas of weakness.

Have you ever seen the American or Jamaicans do their 4 by 100 relays or any of those relay races? They let the fastest men take the first and the last legs, and thus cover the weaknesses of the other two runners. The exchange of baton is swiftly done just before each man gets tired, enabling the next man power on in the race with fresh vigour.  

No relationship is totally bad, people will be more fulfilled if only they can learn to show mercy to flawed humanity, if not for anything, you are flawed yourself. Marriage will never cease to be a shocking eye opener for people who only look for strengths without having any idea on what to do about the weaknesses.

We are not advocating you condone wayward and irresponsible behaviour, but to understand that the best of any individual is limited by human nature. We are all work-in-progress.  The grass may seem greener on the other side, remember, they are all grass and every grass needs  gardeners and plenty of water  to remain green and lush enough for the eyes.