When Ladies do the chasing

This is a topic I will rather not write about. This is not because I cannot accept the possibility of the female folks picking their men all by themselves. It is rather because relationship is an exclusive arrangement between two adults and I do believe that how it happens is something unique to the individuals involved.

That said, I have been troubled by recent interest of a few female talk show anchors on the subject of asking men out or proposing to men. One of such would-be “men chasers” claimed she was driving and noticed a guy in another car at a traffic stop. She tried asking for his number while the traffic light was on red, but to her greatest shock, the guy told her to try some other time. Recently, I also watched a video of a lady who tried proposing to her boyfriend in a football stadium, what she got was not expected – the guy took to his heels.

Some have interpreted the few failed experiences they had trying to woo men as reluctance from the men folk caused by cultural inhibitions and old fashioned mind set. They claim Nigerian men are intimidated by bold women who know what they want. Could this be true?

I have a few thoughts on this.

The first thing is that men are predators, and no predator is afraid of catching a prey. No offence intended please. Guys are always looking out to meet babes, so why would a guy freak out when a lady makes the job easier? I don’t get it. Some have said that guys are too shocked to be “toasted” that they don’t know when they have rejected the lady without thinking. Some have said some guys just could not deal with it. I still believe a good predator will not run from a prey no matter how strange the situation is. I am convinced that there are more Nigerian guys out there who will welcome being wooed by ladies; at least, the “job” has been made easier. I am sure a lot of guys are also tired of being rejected and embarrassed by unwilling ladies and will welcome the change with much joy.

So why would a guy turn down a lady?  I can think of a couple of reasons.

The number one reason is wrong timing. Why do you want to exchange numbers at Maryland bus traffic stop when both of you are in two different cars. Too odd I must say and it smacks of desperation or maybe a joke for some blog.  Why not try him somewhere else – work place, classroom, social event or even church after you are sure you are not dealing with a kidnapper or something.

Next is the fact that before you make advances at a guy, have you checked his marital status? If he is married or about to wed, he may not be willing to throw everything he has away for all the pleasures of an easy catch. A good predator will not kill for fun; he could let the game walk by if he is already full.

Not all eligible bachelors are actually interested in relationship. Mark that. That the guy is good looking, rides a nice car and lives alone in a nice neighbourhood does not mean he needs a companion. You simply don’t know his story and his destination.  

I would also consider the issue of taste. Even if you catch him at the right time and right place, what if a quick glance at you tells him you are not just his type? Hey, it is wrong for women to expect to be accepted by every man they make advances at because that is not possible. Who told you that a man will roll on the floor just because a woman is chasing him? Men have dealt with rejection from ladies for ages. So babes, welcome to the club, learn how to receive answers, and it could be yes, no or simply...excuse me.......

Now that ladies have joined the “toasters” club, I don’t believe the rules will change for their sake. The rules remain, good timing, conducive place for exchange, the choice factor, a dose of persistence and rejection management skills.

On a final note, though I don’t believe that women asking men out is new, I am worried again that the call for liberty to “toast” is coming at a time the issue of rape is gaining good air time. I am not saying asking a man out means asking for rape but it will be good to advise that when you go toasting men, remember to apply common sense, go slow, and get to know the man. Remember that the speed at which you give your body to a man does not determine the quality and ultimate destination of the relationship.

Good luck ladies. Happy toasting and remember to share your experience here.