Common Mis-conceptions on Marriage and Relationships

Some commonly used marriage related phrases are not completely true and prone to leading people in wrong directions. Well, they may sound true to you depending on your background, but maybe going through them again may give you a different perspective.

You can make mistakes in other areas of life and recover, but not in marriage

Nothing can be more false than this. For fear of making mistakes, many are crippled and condemned to singlehood. There is no mistake, including marital mistakes that you cannot recover from. Sometimes, recovering from marital mistakes can be the easiest, all it requires at times is for you to change your perspectives and expectations, or maybe seeing the glass as half full instead of as half empty. Even the best choices soon appear like mistakes, while some potentially poor match ups end up well, it is all in the mind.

Marriage is not meant to be endured but enjoyed

I am a fan of marriage being fun and enjoyment. But what is it in life that is all fun and no stress? My friend, we will need to endure to have a lasting marriage.  Changes will occur at different stages of the marriage in different areas, and it is the ability to patiently navigate the issues that will determine how far the marriage will go. The enjoyment at all cost mentality could be the reason many cannot survive the first storm that visit their union. Life will give you stuffs, sweet and bitter, you must learn to enjoy the fun and manage the pains.

Love will see you through

Love is indeed powerful, but marriage requires more than love. People who were passionately in love few months back are getting divorced. You need knowledge and wisdom to deal with the issues of life that all marriages are exposed to. If you have the right tools in addition to love, you will virtually have a blissful marriage.

You must marry your best friend

It is very important you marry someone you know well, someone who understands you.  However, even if you are the lucky type that grew friendship from primary school level and ended in marriage, even friendships do have downtimes. Have you not had different best friends throughout different seasons of life? Even best friends have issues at times, and sometimes end up going their separate ways. What I think is most important is to marry someone who understands that marriage is a long term commitment, your best friend may not always have that understanding, if he or she does, lucky you.

Your mate must be compatible with you

This is the greatest lie of all time, quote me anywhere. Do you really think you will like to spend the rest of your life with your own “photocopy”?  It is good to be with someone of like mind, but truth is, with time, you will realize you still have areas of differences. I am sorry to disappoint you, we are all unique and different, no one is compatible with anyone. If you want to succeed in relationship, embrace diversity and learn to explore the differences in your spouse to the advantage of the union.

.......Types of people you must not marry

This is the title of so many books on relationship.  I went through one of such books and I concluded that the title of the book should be changed to “There is nobody to marry”. Humanity is short in glory, and you will never find that person whose flaws are not in the list of people you must avoid. It is either you marry and accept the flaws, or you allow someone deceive you into believing that he or she has no flaws, your shock at the end may send waves that will sink the marriage.

Your husband or wife must remain your boyfriend or girlfriend

This is assuming everybody had boyfriend or girlfriend. For you to appreciate how mis-leading this is, can you tell what the life of boyfriend/girlfriend is like? You probably had excess cash, your babe comes over, no kids, no bills and nothing to worry about, so you spend your time without distraction and maybe visit the best fun spots in town. Marriage comes with kids, baby food, school fees, expensive house rent, and some career choices that can keep the couple busy all year round. There is a place for balance, but you can never have that kind of free time and free money anymore (except you are from the Omo Baba Olowo clan of course). Maturity to accept what has changed and make the best out of it is key to sustaining a long term relationship.

The man’s job is to provide for the family

This statement negates God’s purpose for marriage. If all a woman will do is to sit back and “chop”, then God did not have to create Eve for Adam. God’s idea of help mate is not fulfilled with a woman who only collects cash and spends, I can’t see any help in spending money, I can spend my money myself. A woman should come into marriage with some value she can add to the family. The man is called to be the head of the home, but he will achieve more if the woman in his life is carrying out her assignment of being a help mate.

My thoughts actually, you can disagree.